What Is Self-Confidence?

I was discussing with friends earlier this week and the subject of Self-confidence came up. Through our discussion, a few things became clear. One of them was that We had a very  different understanding of what Self-Confidence is, and how easy  it is to mix Self-confidence, with Self-Esteem. So let’s first  discuss  what the difference between the two is and then we will see how to improve them.

Self-Esteem is how you feel about yourself and how you view yourself. Our esteem is often based on our relationships and how they  view us as a person, how they believe in us and our abilities. It creates our foundation, therefore it is really important for you to surround yourself with positive people. Now, not everyone grows up having a positive circle of influence. Does it mean there is no way for you to build your self-esteem? Not at all, the first step to any self-improvement is  to  start thinking positive about yourself.
By increasing your positive self-talk,  you can create a new and stronger foundation and start to learn how to love, respect and most importantly believe in yourself, your skills and abilities.  Making  a conscious effort of surrounding yourself with people that view you in a similar positive way will continue to help you improve your own self-image and self-esteem.

Now, self-confidence is about how you believe in yourself, your skills and abilities. That no matter what happens in your life, you are and will be ok, no matter what.  It means that you are certain that you know that you can do something, even if you dont know how yet.

“I have self-confidence” is often used when someone exudes a sense of feeling good about themselves. Those who say they have self-confidence are  most likely to have a more positive self-image.  It is easier for people that have a healthy self-esteem to also have confidence in their own skills and abilities. Everyone has confidence in some aspects of their lives.  For example, my friend is a great baker and is extremely confident when working in her kitchen, but if you were to ask her to go up on stage and speak to a crowd, her self-confidence in regards to her public speaking skills would be very low. As for me, it would be much easier to go speak in front of a crowd than to be let loose in a baker’s kitchen.

 

If both self-esteem and self-confidence are so important, how do we go about improving them?

As mentioned earlier, the first step is to start thinking positive about oneself, to stop our negative self-talk and focus on our positive attributes.  Surrounding yourself with positive and uplifting people  is just as important, as they both reinforce each other. To know deep down that no matter what happens in your life, you are a beautiful, intelligent and capable person.

The next step is to know that you are in total control of your life. No, it doesn’t mean you have control over cancer, wars, drunk drivers,  or that the love of your life dumped you.  However,we do have control over how we react to these events and what we are going to do about it.

The third step to building your own confidence would be Preparing and Planning.

Let’s continue with the example of Public Speaking. If a person takes the time to prepare and plan their speech, they will feel a lot more confident about their ability to speak in public and for some people that may be enough for them to go up on stage. However, if  after they have prepared their speech, they practice and visualize their speech beforehand, they will feel even more confidence in their ability to do well up on stage.  Here the amount of practice and visualization would vary based on their current self-confidence.

How do we go about visualization? Once the speech is planned, prepared, it is time to start practicing. And it is just as important to practice it in person than in your mind.  Find a calm moment, sit or lie down in a comfortable position where you wont be disturbed and close your eyes and see yourself in your mind’s eye, going up on stage, taking  a deep breath, giving your best speech in a calm and focused manner, where ideas and points are clearly made, you can see the crowd listening attentively and at the end giving you a standing ovation for your great work. Seeing yourself, happy and proud of the great job you did. How did that feel? You will notice each time you visualize it, you feel stronger, better prepared and more confident, that is because your body doesn’t know if the event you are seeing in your mind’s eye is real or not. So go and repeat as often as necessary.

 

Let’s discuss practice a little bit. As mentioned earlier, the amount of practice and visualization will depend on your current level of confidence. The path you take will be different based on your confidence. If after preparing your speech, it is possible you will feel ready to practice in front of friends and family. It is also possible that practicing in front of friends and family is too much of a stretch already, and you would need to start practicing in front of only one person to begin with. You can add visualization before every new step you take, to better prepare yourself and increase your confidence.

Here is another important point to keep in mind. Who do you choose to practice with. Remember how earlier I mentioned it is very important to surround yourself with positive and supporting people. Now, imagine yourself  racticing your speech in front of someone who is negative. How about someone who is positive and supporting? Which one do you think will support and build your confidence? Both can give you points to improve upon but the end result is that one will leave you feeling disempowered and the other, empowered. Now, which one are you going to choose?

 

Again, depending on your level of confidence, you may be able to skip some steps. For some people, after visualizing, that might give them enough confidence to go up on stage. But for some people it might not be enough and speaking in front of only one person may not be challenging enough, and speaking in front of a small group of friends might stretch them enough without it being too much. Because that is what we want to do, to stretch ourselves enough to grow, but not too much where we are going to snap like an overstretched elastic band. Each person needs to find the right balance for themselves.

The day has come and it’s time for you to go up on stage. Again, visualize yourself doing a great job and go for it. You may make mistakes and know that it is ok.  Perfection doesn’t exist. Celebrate your success, you did it! And that in itself will boost your confidence ten fold, to know that you can do it because you just did it. Take time after the event to take notes of the good points as well as the points where you may need to improve, it will help you be better prepared for next time and will also continue to boost your self-confidence.

 

Now, a quick recap:

• Belief in yourself. Stop the negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk such as: You are a beautiful, intelligent. You are a capable and worthwhile person
• Surround yourself with positive people , stay away from negative people and make a conscious effort to find a positive influence.
• Prepare and plan your success. Learn, plan and prepare for what you want to accomplish.
• Practice. Small steps. If the next step is too overwhelming, break it down into smaller steps. Practice your speech by yourself, in front of one person, two people, a small group, bigger group and the day of the event. Visualize your accomplishment and how great you feel.
• Experience. The day has arrived and you did it. Congratulation! Was it perfect? Maybe but most likely not and that Is ok. It is important to remember that Perfection doesn’t exist. Even the most seasoned Speaker makes mistakes and that is ok. Use your experience to learn and grow and your confidence will grow along as well.

 

As you repeat the process, your confidence will rise along your experience, and you might notice that next time, all the small steps that were needed at first might not be as necessary  the second time around. Continue practicing and experiencing to build your self-confidence in one area, then on to another. As your confidence will grow  in different aspects of your life, it will have a rolling ball effect and you will notice a stronger, more positive self-image and self-esteem.
I would love to hear what you think of it, and Please share with me what area of your life, do you feel you could improve your self-confidence.